One of the biggest questions couples ask while planning their wedding is whether they should do a first look. If you’ve searched online, you’ve probably found countless articles listing the pros and cons. After photographing weddings for more than seventeen years, I’ve learned that the decision has very little to do with photography and everything to do with the two of you. I’ve seen first looks that were incredibly emotional, and I’ve photographed ceremonies where that walk down the aisle took everyone’s breath away. Neither is better—they’re just different.

Most conversations about first looks revolve around timelines, portraits, whether you’ll have more time to enjoy cocktail hour, and how much photography coverage you’ll actually need. Those things absolutely matter, but I don’t think they’re the first questions you should ask. Instead, ask yourself how you’ve always pictured that moment. Do you want a few quiet minutes together before the day begins, or have you always imagined seeing each other for the first time as the ceremony starts? There’s no wrong answer, only the one that feels the most like you.

A first look can also influence how I recommend photography coverage. If you’re wondering whether one photographer or two photographers makes the most sense for your wedding, I dive into that a little more in my blog about choosing a second photographer.

One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that the emotion doesn’t come from whether you chose a first look or waited until the aisle. It comes from being fully present. I’ve watched couples laugh through happy tears during a private first look, and I’ve watched others completely lose composure the second they locked eyes during the ceremony. Those moments aren’t meaningful because of a timeline—they’re meaningful because they’re real.

At the end of the day, your wedding shouldn’t be planned around what someone else says you should do. It should reflect who you are as a couple. Whether you decide on a first look or wait until the ceremony, my job is the same: to preserve the moment exactly as it unfolds. Years from now, I don’t think you’ll remember whether your portraits happened before or after the ceremony. You’ll remember how you felt when you saw the person you were about to marry, and those are the memories that matter most.