Lana,

You are growing up to be such a beautiful little girl.  You have a smile that lights up any room when you enter and a laugh that can make the saddest person happy. When you were born it was the best day of my life.  I try and look back now to see what life was like without Lana Joy and I remember a few things here and there but it’s mostly just a blur.  The one thing I do remember is there being a huge empty space that I had no idea how to fill it until you arrived.  I held you for the first time and the whole world stood still.  It was a moment between you and I that no one else knew.  You looked at me for the first time and instantly you knew exactly who I was.  “I’m your Mommy” I whispered and as though you understood and you smiled at me as if you were saying “I know”.  From that day forward I vowed to be the best Mommy I could possibly be to you and make sure that every night you go to bed with a smile on your face knowing that I love you more than anything.

Your milestones were a whirlwind. Soon you were crawling and before I knew it you were up walking and talking.  I blinked my eyes and my baby was growing up to be such a wonderful and beautiful big kid. I hated that it felt like the time had gone way too fast and I couldn’t catch up.  I remember nights laying in bed, sad, feeling as though I’d missed a moment somewhere in that day or I turned the other way for too long and missed something else.  But no, that’s just how growing up with a child is from a Mothers point of view.  I remember my Mom telling me how fast the time flew by when I was growing up and now she is looking at her daughter who is 31 years old, married, happy, and with a baby of her own.

Lana, I am writing you this letter because one day you to be able to read it and understand it. Life comes with so many obstacles that seems too hard to power through.  There will be days where you feel like you’ve been hit with a ton of bricks and you’d rather just stay in bed.  Baby girl, growing up isn’t easy and it never will be.  You will be taught so many life lessons and just know that even if you mistakenly make the wrong choice…I will be there.  You have to know that no matter what you will always be my best friend and me to you.  When I was little and growing up I went through some bullying at school and would come home crying to my Mom asking “What is wrong with me?”.  I would sit in my room and ask God why he made me this way or why he made such mean kids. Looking back now listening to that scared little girl saying her prayers thinking that there just had to be something wrong with her makes me so upset.  There was nothing wrong with her.  In fact, she was more beautiful than she could ever imagine. She was different, unique, and quirky.  All those things are beautiful.  Lana, it’s ok to be different and you must know that in your heart so you can stand tall and be proud of it. God placed you here for a reason and made you to be one strong little girl.

The heart break of losing a boy that you loved and felt as though you would be with him forever.  Oh the many heartbreaks I went through.  I thought almost every boyfriend I had was “the one”. At such a young age no one truly does know the feeling of true love.  Yes, when someone does something out of the ordinary to help you or brings you flowers just because is very romantic but honey, that is not what all love is.  Love is an unconditional feeling that you feel for someone and it never fades when going through the hardest times in your life.  When you and your love live together and have bills, responsibilities, work, hardly any sleep, someone getting fired from a job, money being tight…the list can go on.  When you are going through those things with your one true love and feel as though you can conquer anything…to me THAT is what love is.  You know their flaws and yet, you still love them no matter what.  In return, that person loves you for being the girl you are and loves you for you and not wanting to change one thing about you. When the day does come and your heart gets broken it’s going to feel as though someone has ripped your heart out from your body and stomped on it.  The hurt will last for days and maybe even weeks.  The good news is that pain will subside and will go away.  You will wake up one morning and laugh at how silly you are being for not just letting it go and still no matter what…when those days come…I will be there by your side helping you however I can just to see you smile.

Did you know that you are loved by so many many many people?  The reason for that is because you are who you are.  You care so much for others and their feelings.  When you see someone crying you run to them to try and make them laugh.  You are so smart and such a hard little worker.  Your teachers tell me all the time how great you are doing in school and I just sit back and smile thinking “I know. She is quite amazing!” If I could give you one little piece of advice to take and for you to use while you’re growing up it would be to stay true to your heart and follow the direction it takes you.  To me, your heart is the closet thing to God and if you follow it you will be led down the path he has already laid out for you.  Always treat people as though you are best of friends.  If someone is mean to you just brush it off and be thankful you are not that person.  Mommy and Daddy are here to listen as much as you want and will give you all the advice you want…or don’t want.  I know that God has a big plan for you and though I don’t know what that plan is…what I do know is that you will fulfill so many lives with your charisma, charm, your beautiful voice, your personality that just shines above all the rest, and your heart of gold.

I am so lucky to have you as my daughter.  You are the best gift that God could ever give me!

I love you from the bottom of my heart!

Love always and forever,

Mommy